1. |
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WORTH FOR WHERE
Lugging my worthless carcass
Lugging my worthless carcass
Down the stairs
After a lengthy battle with two pillows
Which i lost
Lugging my worthless carcass
To the sofa to meditate on
How useless i am
Lugging my worthless carcass
To the kitchen to make myself
A cup of tea
That’s about all i can manage
As i am already exhausted by
Such an amazing feat of bravery
There is no hope that i can see
I barely made this cup of tea
I might as well go back to sleep
If only i could see this a treat
Allowing myself to put up my feet
Oh wait i think the
Peppermint is kicking in
Or something happened to my brain
Let’s paint a picture, write a song
Or shoot a film that’s hours long
As long as i produce produce produce
My worth is tied up with my art
I can’t tell them apart
The dopamine is key
Please validate me
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2. |
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THEM, NOT ME
They shot point blank to our wombs.
We’ve got a lack of exit wounds
For this destined desire to destroy,
Planted in every man and boy.
Leaving this manifest misogyny
To macerate in their progeny,
And let our lust rhyme with disgust
With every vile demeaning thrust.
Turning away from the rape and pillage
Is all part of the privilege
I sound slightly out of key
When i say it’s them not me
I’m trying
I’m trying
Please believe that
I’m trying
Can’t you see that
I’m trying
Look at me now
I’m trying
I’m doing my best but
I’m trying
I’m finding it hard but
I’m trying
Not every day but
I’m trying
I really believe that
I’m trying
(Look at me)
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3. |
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A CRIME, DIVINE
Bones decay
In my cupboard away
From all the judges and the spies,
From all these feelings i despise
That are here to stay
No matter what i say.
Let it rot inside,
There’s plenty of space to hide
Deep deep down,
Layer upon layer,
Drowning in despair,
Deep deep
Down we go,
No ego,
Just me and my shadows.
Can’t remember what i was hiding
All this time
Must have been peculiar,
Must have been a crime.
A crime,
Divine.
A crime,
All mine.
Bones decay
In my cupboard all day,
I’m so scared they’ll find out someday.
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4. |
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BLACK MOULD
You’re ripe with wine and decadence
Dancing divine decay dances
Miscellaneous mycelium advances
Within our walls, your rot is thick and
Structural integrities are threatened,
Most of our neural pathways lessened.
Your fungal blight incorporates us all
Into a mildewed throng without a soul
And deep within our eyes a hole
Don’t let the mould take hold
If i could pour my molten self into whichever hollow shell you assign me.
A standard frame where prying eyes could never come and find me.
I wouldn’t be causing these cracks in the cast.
I try to be malleable but it never lasts.
Round shapes in square holes,
The pressure is ten fold,
I think i am through.
It’s over, i’m leaving,
I’d rather be breathing
I don’t fit you
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5. |
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AUTARCTIC
The view warms my heart
The lack of you should te it all appart
But i’m fine now
i can breathe
Now you’re gone
i can leave
All i see is horizon
All i see is horizon
Miles and miles of white on white
Is all i can feast my eyes on
I could make no distinction,
I applaud your eviction.
Just now, how’d it get so crowded
To cause me to cheer near extinction ?
All i see is horizon
All i see is horizon
All i see is horizon
All i see is horizon
I am where the ice is
My breath materialises in the cold
For me it suffices
To know that i might not be growing old
Here.
If you were, in part,
Responsable for making me depart,
The fact you left first is key
To my emotional autarky.
All alone in the snow
No-one around, everywhere to go.
All i see is horizon
All i see is horizon
All i see is horizon
All i see is horizon
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6. |
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THE JIG IS UP
Think i’ll stay in here
With my shirt untucked
Feeling awful queer
Live in constant fear
That the jig is up
Do they know the jig is up
Do they know my jig is up
Do i know my jig is up
I’m certain the jig is up
The jig, the jig is
Up
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7. |
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THE LEDGER
I’m on the edge
I’m on the edge
On the edge
My toes are curled
round the edge of ledge
And the knot
In my stomach
Has unraveled for good
Took me a lifetime
to learn how to breathe
Lungs are filled
One last time
With cold glorious wind
I pluck up my courage
and steady my heart
But your fingers
Cold and scared
Won’t let go of my shins
Let go
Please let me go
I want to chose my time
This shouldn’t be a crime
I want to feel alive until the very end
If you do love me so you have to let me
Go
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8. |
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FOG HORN
It gets warmer the deeper down i go,
Sleeping my way to the bottom.
Hugged by the water, descending soft and slow.
Leave me down here, cosy and forgotten.
I cannot move,
I’m stuck underneath.
I need no saving,
I’m here by my own free will.
I can see the light
Seeping through the gloom.
The surface is so bright,
I might go back there soon.
I might go back there soon,
But i may sleep in until noon
And listen to the man on the radio that goes.
The wind of the winter, it blows through their court,
The bees are all dead, the provisions are short,
They sit on the edge of their thrones in dismay,
Surrounded by dust and the smell of decay,
The light of the dawn, it mirrors their hearts,
The court has all gone and stolen their tarts,
And he said to the queen “Oh queen of all love,
You lived like a hawk, now you die like a dove.”
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9. |
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BOOP
It’s been a long day
And i have done nothing
The guilt piles onto apathy
I cannot seize
The means of production today
We’ll get there soon
But in the meantime can we spoon
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10. |
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AT THE FLICK OF A SWITCH
It’s no walk in the park but i get by.
Used to be, just the sight of a bridge
Would make me want to die.
And the future was dark and insurmountable.
But now i think i might live on,
What, what could go wrong ?
Hmm,
I wonder,
I think i smell thunder.
And just like that.
Chemical imbalance, mood unstable, cables crossed.
Days on end to sleepless rest, lost.
I wish i could say what was on my mind for so long :
I’m your bipolar bear,
It just isn’t fair.
I’m your bipolar bear
And i wish you’d leave me the fuck alone.
Most of the time.
If you don’t mind.
Wasted time, fruitless hours, misfiring neurones, outlook grim.
Jaw clenched, situation dire.
I hear them all keep droning on
“Why ? Why you staying home ?”
Because i’m your bipolar bear,
Dozing in my lair.
I’m your bipolar bear
And i wish you’d leave me the fuck alone.
Most of the time,
If you don’t mind.
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11. |
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LONELY WINDWORST
I don’t want to go outside
What if i start to feed
In the sun i can smell their
Supple skin and i need
To stop myself from letting go
I could bleed them all dry
Drown their begging moans
I only wish i could
Change
Evolve
Or just
Dissolve
I feel dead on the inside
Dominated by need
Is it in my nature
To impulsivly feed
Until everyone is gone
I truly love them all
But i’d be better off alone
At least until i can
Change
Evolve
Or just
Dissolve
Send me to space,
Somewhere far away
Don’t let me come back
Until i seem a bit better
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12. |
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THE LAST HUMAN OF PLANET 3224
Oxygen levels at 10%
The tinny voice in her earpiece was the last remnants of humanity other than her, and it wasn’t even human. Just a collection of syllables, vowels and consonants, stuck together to form whatever basic information the crude mind of her spacesuit needed to convey to her. In this case, that she was about to die.
Oxygen levels at 8%
And then came the rain.
But not your average Sunday afternoon rain,
Your walk in the park rain.
Great globs of semi-congealed acid, pouring down from on high.
Oxygen levels at 6%
The smell of burnt rubber,
A thin wisp of smoke.
The tinny voice was gone.
She ran for shelter
Underneath the great mushroom trees.
She leaned against the trunk, catching her breath,
Giant spores floating down to greet her.
Out of the thorny undergrowth
Spewed a wave of five-legged bugs
Each with the wet and doey eyes
of a deer
Ignoring her entirely, they
Started to catch the low flying spores
And ate away at them with their
baby teeth.
And then, through the acid
came swooping down crescent-shaped birds,
Chasing after the bugs, swallowing them whole with their blunted beaks
She didn’t see the mother bird until it was too late
It knocked her to the ground with one clumsy gargantuan wing
The air was leaking out of her helmet
She breathed in the spores.
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13. |
Mistake to the Heart
03:10
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MISTAKE TO THE HEART
It’s not that you killed them, it’s how you did it,
The blood i can taste on your lips led me to it.
I understand if you feel you can’t stay
As i am leaving i can see that you’re tearing apart
There’s a hole where i left my stake in your heart.
A mistake on my part.
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Blériôz Brittany, France
The solo venture of one Harry Hadler
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